It’s night, long past midnight but nowhere near time to get up. I can’t sleep. The best I can do is enter that semi-conscious dream world where random thoughts run across my mind like scurrying insects. I want to get a fly swatter and chase them around my subconscious. If I become more awake, the mental garbage in my head will float to the surface of my subconscious and my mind will choke on the rubbish of my past and present.
I haven’t written for a week. Is it because the ideas, the creativity, just aren’t there? It would be nice if I could
squeeze ideas out of my head like tooth paste. I just can’t think of anything and when I do it’s at the most inopportune time. Like in the middle of the night, when I have insomnia.
I hate stupidity. I could say that stupid people drive me nuts but I’m not nuts or crazy (yes, there is a difference). So I’ll just have to say, I have no tolerance for stupid people.
For example: The other day my principal got a phone call from an irate parent (to those of you who don’t know me, I teach science in a well-moneyed urban high school). The complaint: The student’s mother said I showed my students chicken porn. I replied to the charge, ”Dr. Smartz (not his real name), I showed absolutely no pictures of any chickens fornicating or much less masturbating.”
I didn’t feel funny today. No humor. No sarcasm. Nothing. It was just one of those days. You know, when you don’t want to do another thing and you just have to get out of the house. Since this is South Florida, I didn’t have to worry about snow, and it wasn’t raining. It was a little on the warm side, but other than that, it was simply a gorgeous day. A good day to walk in the woods.
Men! I’ll never understand them. They want to live in nice places, houses, whatever…but they never want to do the upkeep. The house may be falling down around them but they always have a reason for not fixing things, not taking care of the yard, not cleaning out the car… You name it! Sometimes they don’t have a reason. But reason or not…whatever needs care is just not going to get it. Unless…
My mind?? I know it’s here somewhere…
I just read an article on mindfulness meditation. The idea is to spend time to oneself focusing only on the moment and one single thing, like breathing. The author described how she spent five days in this state by not talking to anyone, including her family. It was an inner revival, an opportunity “to gain clarity, wisdom, and freedom…” by paying attention to “moment experiences.”
Each New Year is a time for reminiscence and reflection. Here are things I have taken time to think about (usually in the middle of the night)
It’s the holidays and we’re smack dab in the middle of them. As a matter of fact, I can smell holiday peppermint eggnog breath everywhere which tells me the holidays are really here and I’ve drunk too much eggnog. But where’s the tree? I didn’t set up a tree. Why not? It’s Christmas time, but I just don’t feel like celebrating. Why? Because I hate December.
I love grits. But grits are confusing to a lot of people. Especially northerners. I once tried to order grits with breakfast at a Boston restaurant and the waitress had no idea what I was talking about. Or maybe she just didn’t understand my South Florida accent. But then I don’t speak Boston either.
Insomnia. Got it again. It must be tracking me. Like a demented bloodhound. This means I’m going to sit here tonight. Out in the living room and for who knows how long. Maybe I should just sit here and talk to myself, as in….Hello brain. I’m here again….Yep. I think I’ll talk to myself. There’s nobody else here. No back talk. Just me. Sitting by myself. In the dark.