Silly Marital Issues by Maggie Millus

Vacuum cleaners. I hate housework, especially vacuuming the house. Not that I won’t do it, but before breakfast??? It was 6 o’clock this morning when Howard emerged from the bedroom. Instead of the usual sleepy trudge, he’s hauling ass to the utility closet and clutching his throat. At first I was impressed, I’ve never seen him so awake this early.

High School Reunion by Maggie Millus

Reunions bring out the worst in me. My facebook site is full of posts on an upcoming high school reunion. I haven’t decided whether or not to go. I just looked at the list of potential attendees and, even with the absentees, it will be a big group. It’s gonna take me days to go over this list.

Brain On Squirrel by Maggie Millus

Today, the mail brought an advertisement from a prominent medical bulletin. I won’t say who it was, but you’ve probably received at least a few, if not too many. They always arrive with some great reason why your health depends on subscribing to their newsletter.

Footloose by Maggie Millus

All parts of a conch are supposed to be edible, which is okay if you don’t mind eating intestines and brains (however small conch brains may be). But a conch’s foot has the best white meat -not to be confused with pork- and if you don’t mind eating the equivalent of an overgrown escargot, conch fritters are delicious, grease and all!

Things In My Coffee by Maggie Millus

Florida cockroaches are real cockroaches. They are not teeny and puny like those little German immigrants. Just seeing one of those big suckers swimming in your coffee or having sex on your kitchen counter is enough to cause a major jump in most people’s blood pressure.

A Tell Tale Tail by Maggie Millus

I like to fuss over my cat, Tom Brown. But Tom doesn’t always take too kindly to fussing and his tail will begin to twitch. It even twitches when I just look at him. He just lies there, pretending to sleep and looking away from me, but the tail is twitching.

Remembering Christmases Past by Maggie Millus

Another Christmas gone by. I’m so relieved. Not that I’m a bah humbug person and not that I don’t have at least a few Christmas memories that I treasure, but there are a whole bunch of Christmases that I would just like to forget (and for some no good reason, I can’t.) I try to blame some of my unpleasant memories on the month of December.

Worryville by Maggie Millus

I worry a lot. Especially late at night when I have insomnia. I worry about money, my job , gaining weight… In other words, anything that comes along. Lately, I’ve begun to worry about airports. Homeland security scares the heck out of me.

Nightmare Pie

Halloween’s been long gone for almost a month. It was just another Halloween, a Halloween spent trick or treating with my sister-in-law’s kid. He dressed up as a pirate and me, I went as an aging adult.